"He Stopped Feeding Me..."

If you're married (or even in a serious relationship) you hear it time and time again, “communication is the most important thing in any relationship” and I'm here to say NO! IT’S NOT! I mean… it is. But NO! THAT'S NOT IT! Yes… communication is clutch to any relationship, because let's be real, what’s the point of sharing your life with someone you can’t even have intentional conversation with? But we’ve learned that in order to maintain not only a “healthy” relationship, but also a fun one, you have to also always date your spouse/significant other. I'd even argue that this 'rule' is sometimes more important than dating because it often creates more conversation, knocks down more walls, and naturally brings you closer.

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A couple of years ago I was talking to my friend who had recently broken up with her BF of 3 years. I truly didn't think the day would come as I was certain they were going to get married so when I found out I of course, as any terrible friend would, skipped right over the "are you okay?" and got right to the "what in all the heck happened!?" and her response was unexpected, hilarious, and thought provoking:

At first I thought she was joking but she further explained what she meant & essentially she was saying, "he stopped dating me".

Think about it, think back to day 1 of your relationship, you were probably smitten as a kitten all googly eyed, holding hands and kissing in public like teenagers, feeding each other ice cream, going on dates G A L O R E and swooning like Squince in The Sandlot. Now let’s fast forward. What do your outings look like? & Be honest.

We can’t even begin to lie or deny it, we've definitely been there and done that. Where we hit a funk, and all of a sudden we “don't have time” to go anywhere or we “don't have enough money” to go out to eat and our relationship transparently became stagnant because of it. Sure, we still loved each other and sure neither of us were really complaining but as time went on with these same excuses, we unintentionally became distant. Conversations became redundant and repetitive. Even coming home from work was routine: Leave work, get home, purse down, hug and kiss hi to the boo, say hi to dog, ask how his day was, share how my day went, discuss what to cook for dinner, take the dog out, decide to just go grab dinner, eat while halfway in conversation and halfway in our phones, watch Scandal/Blacklist/Blindspot/The Challenge (don't judge us!), shower, take the dog out again, bed and then next day… we wake up and repeat. Except maybe add a workout in there somewhere too. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with routine but you gotta spice it up! Our routine was fine and dandy until we both realized "we literally do this every single day" and we were both bored out of your minds doing so.

We realized that what we were doing wasn't healthy, it wasn't ideal and we went on a mission to fix this little issue. Insert the Eureka! moment to be "Newlyweds for life". We knew that a major culprit and sometimes even the demise of marriage was rooted by boredom and the last thing we, or anyone, wants in a relationship is to have their spouse or S.O with wandering eyes searching for something fresh, new and exciting. So we looked at what was causing this funk, why this funk wasn't present before in our relationship and what fixes it and/or what actively fights against the funk of boredom.

We came to the conclusion that consistent dating is an antidote - it's an easy option to bring LIFE back to your relationship. It doesn’t require a ton of time, doesn’t even require a lick of money, it just requires commitment from both parties to make it happen on reg.

1.    FLIRT! Remember how we were just talking about the beginning and how we used to swoon and send pointless winks at each other from across the room? Yea, well, let’s bring that back! Give a pat on the butt here and there, send a flirtatious text, get dolled up/clean up real nice just for the heck of it, play footsy, compliment each other, etc.

2.    BRING BACK THE CHASE! Literally. Aaron and I literally play tag around our 900 sq. ft. apartment that seems like a 200 sq. ft. apt. with our great dane but nonetheless, we have the BEST time running around like immature children without a care in the world about bills, appointments, meetings, dog poop breaks, you know the usual things that can consume your conversation when you get into a routine. To keep this post out of the NSFW zone, we’ll leave with, you never know how this lil game of tag will end. HEY OH!

SN: Not keen to run around like kids? Make up your our own flirty game that seems ridiculous to others but fun to you two, that's what's most important

3.    BRING BACK THE CHASE! Figuratively. This one is for my sista friend readers out there. Men, by nature, love a good chase. This doesn’t leave when you get married. It’s programmed in their brain! So keep a little mystery in the relationship. This can look like a random scavenger hunt that leads to a gift or “something special” (keeping it SFW) or by simply playing a game of “how well do you know me”. Tease and play hard to get every once in a while – keep them guessing!

4.    PURSUE! Men... likewise. For every ounce in your body that loves a good chase, there's about 2 ounces in every woman that loves to be pursued #scientificfactthatijustmadeup. But really! We as women need, want and love to be wanted, loved and pursued! Send your girl flowers, tell her you miss her, show her your adoration

5.    DATE NIGHT! Every. Single. week. You should have at least one night dedicated to solely you two, no interruptions, no cancelling. Aaron and I have a date night every Wednesday – sometimes we stay home and cook a Blue Apron together while listening to some smoooooth jazzzz, sometimes we go to Dave and Busters and I school Aaron in every single game they have there and sometimes we just pop some popcorn, buy a movie on demand, and just cuddle and CHILL together. Your date nights don’t always have to be a 5 star restaurant or a night on the town.

6.    DON’T STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! Even if you’ve asked it 4 times before, keep asking! You never know when someone changes their mind. Just ask Aaron. He asks me anything from what I want to do this weekend to do you still want to have kids in __ years, and my answer changes as often as I change clothes. Things change, decisions change, ideas change, people change – you’ll never know your S.O. inside and out but it’s beneficial to try so don't stop asking the q's. Half the fun in a relationship is constantly learning so much about a person and watching them transition and grow on this beautiful journey called life.

7.    CHEERLEAD! Often times, men and women alike will push and encourage their S.O. like it’s there last chance when they first start dating. 3 years later… you’re lucky if you get a “good job, babe” once a month. Bring back the mentality that “my (insert pet name) is the best thing in these streets”. And bring it more now than you did before. Why? Because life happens! Situations or circumstances, small and large will be thrown at all of us and in these times, there’s nothing more important than receiving a reminder from your PIC-for-life that you really ARE unstoppable and you really ARE a beast.

 

What are some dating ideas that you have/do? Let’s add to the list!